I have, for years, claimed with great sincerity how well the Word of God applies to life. I have claimed this with a weightiness that I give little else and, though absolutely true, I have come to realize that I rarely apply this truth with any specificity to the circumstances of my own life.

The history of my faith in Christ has been peppered with multiple denominational and paradigmatic influences shaping and changing how I apply faith to life. For a number of years, this left me… well… “confused” might be a bit of an understatement and “lost” is an overstatement… but this application certainly became muddied. I was raised as a Catholic and taken to mass, eventually inducted into the Baptist faith, and subsequently indoctrinated into the prosperity “gospel” - then, in reaction, I went through a period of hyper-Calvinism to now (what I hope) is a more balanced view.

This history has created the following problems:

  1. A fear of trying too hard to succeed (a reaction against my tainted memory of works-based Catholicism)
  2. A fear of “Christian showiness” - good hair, good suit, good manners (a reaction against the squeaky clean Baptist image)
  3. A fear of “Jesus speak” and misquotation of scripture as an incantation of desire or protection (a reaction against the cancer known as the prosperity “gospel”)
  4. A fear of dogma (a reaction against my hyper-Calvinistic period)
  5. A fear of teaching (a reaction against being wrong so very often)

If you are tempted to nod understandingly as to why I might be a little “confused” - please stop nodding until you’ve read this all. I have always tended towards dogma. I work best and most passionately when the rules are well known and the lines are clearly drawn: the people on this side are the good guys and everyone else is wrong. Every single one of these fears are actions that I enthusiastically embraced at the time and, in most cases, actively taught or promoted (to my shame).

(Clarification: The head-nod warning was to prevent a reader from prematurely identifying with me. Confusion about belief is common and it’s simple ignorance… teaching and promoting an incorrect belief system is another thing altogether.)

I’ve also found that I’m afraid of arrogance (due to my tendency towards dogma) which tilts me towards equivocation rather than humility. I’ve read some great books on humility (I highly recommend CJ Mahaney’s Humility), but they do little good without a fundamental shift in thinking and humility cannot be driven by fear of arrogance. Fear is debilitating - it is not empowering. While fear makes for a great backstop to prevent foolishness, it is an impotent aid to self-betterment.

What is the answer to my situation? Obviously - the Word of God applied to daily life. The Word teaches me that good works glorify God, God looks at the heart and not your appearance, the Word is to be spoken for the glory of Christ, dogma can be good when it is grounded in scripture with humble conviction, and that our gifts (such as teaching) are not to be squandered but embraced with trust that God will refine the gift He has generously provided.

I don’t trust God nearly as much as I would like to think. Lord, I believe, help Thou my unbelief.